Courage my friends.xx. I spent the next few years working on myself, looking after the family and working full time in an office which was good for me at that time. Hi Ive been married to a man for 25 yrs Im a lively & sociable 73 & hes 64 , who Ive always believed he is on the Asperger / autistic spectrum (not diagnosed ) he made me so ill with headaches & stress , & im not as vivacious as I used to be because of-my husband . Because i could sit .. and write down all of this.. all the proof that shows.. its real. My daughter was diagnosed as Level 2, which describes her as socially unable to mix. I do care about him because I think he has a problem and maybe cant help himself but its getting tiresome. Bottom line? I now know to be specific with the times if we are going out and not change them suddenly. I have read that child abuse survivors sometime drift into or plunge into abusive relationships as adults. Neither she and my brother understand what upbringing can do in the way of damage and traumatisation. According to the film The Magic Pill, even eliminating carbohydrates can markedly reduce the symptoms of autism! I feel tremendous empathy knowing hes probably had to deal with the way he is his whole life, him not understanding why he has run ins with other people. Big thanks for that. I do not live in the USA, but I do watch the news coming in from that country on the pandemic. Both bipolar disorder and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can result in impulsive and overconfident behavior. A lot of these unfortunate individuals end up with menial work and cannot afford decent therapy, as not all therapy is appropriate, its a minefield and awareness of the condition in question is vital. Psys and therapists say its impossible that i be narc, impossible. There was physical abuse, but I called the cops often and also separated once. I am just exhausted by it all. My daughter is 33 and she was only diagnosed last year. When I have these thoughts I think of it as the Mammoth thats weighing me down, and after a little practice I can now make that lousy thought from my Mammoth disappear. I am very supportive of his family and I ask questions and give him feedback but even when I bring my family he doesnt really seem too interested. I thought the list was a bit one-dimensional and generalizing, in fact. And from that point you are going down the superficial hill that most people go down when they do not have the skill, experience or knowledge of autism. That said, she was abusing me over an extended period of time whether it was High-functioning Autism, NPD, BPD, ASPD, C-PTSD, Substance addiction, or any number of combinations of these conditions. 6. But @ times he really gets to me & upsets me with his behaviour ! Find out if he feels the way I do. Narcissists will try to reel you in by saying nice things, and if you let your guard down, they have you again. My stuggle is how do I cope with this? I learned that my breakdown was caused not by the stress of change of job and moving house to another county. She experiences uncontrollable anxiety, apparently something that is unique and at different levels for those within the autism spectrum. This has happened to me several times. Their social competence usually exceeds their other abilities, but from their perspective they have no such limits. IIRC, there can be both types. The issues need to be addressed and they are complex , mind boggling and extremely painful to look at. As a therapist working with people affected by someone elses personality condition, Im often asked the question, How do I know if my partner is a narcissist or if they have Aspergers? This is an interesting question. Yes, they are as varied in character as other folk. If they do this, then they are Narcissistic, if they dont then it is Asbergers. Narcissistic traits can emerge in adolescence but NPD is a personality disorder that isn't typically diagnosed before age 18. He was a great one for untruths, it worries my daughter to not stick with the truth. Develop healthy, happy connections within other relationships. I am a 47 yo woman who has recently realised she is autistic and currently seeking a diagnosis. There are also VICTIM Narcissists. I can tell you narcs are stupid.. morons because their lack of empathy makes them blind and totally unable to get what is going on. (2005, April 18). Life is much better now, I know not to expect her to do things straightaway, but to work up to them. Forgive my writing, im pretty rubbish at Grammar etc. I contacted her psychologist and asked if they tested adults. All my efforts to improve my situation.. bring.. results.. finally! But what Im getting here is we should be more understanding and more patient in dealing with aspie partners because their shortcomings actually point to a developmental disorder. Break up and never look back. The World and technology is moving so fast and many of us are not equipped to deal with it at all, and not because we arent willing. Because of his homelife with his ex wife who was also a narsistic person that had major alcohol abuse issues and insisted on having 6 children (girls) he was totally burnt out by the time I met him even though his marriage had ended 6 years prior. I did briefly contemplate he may be autistic given there are some similarities in behaviour but on reflection I dont believe this to be so. They may try to keep their demons at bay until the demons pounce on them and take them over. Has anyone run across any studies of people who have had no vaccines or other exposure to heavy metals etc, who dont use drugs including caffeine, and/or who take supplements including essential minerals, B and other stress vitamins? having . I spent my life thinking i was worth nothing ill try to be worth something now. I may be wrong but from what I have read it appears you are still putting others ahead of your own happiness. She kept sending me by force to therapies then after enable me to gamble use my father psychological attacks on me or do it herself if need be to take me down down then when at the bottom .. finish me off with a big loan i never wanted. He can repeat a story so many times I have it memorized. I didnt realize that but it makes sense. A daughter who was recently diagnosed in the same autism range as my unmarried daughter, and a son who is much lower on the spectrum and yet another daughter in that family who is normal. The difference is that while all people with Aspergers are narcissistic (not NPD, but self-centered; it's a central trait), all people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are definitely not aspergers, and can be the total opposite: super smooth and charming. Living with a narcistic man I now see he had me just where he wanted me and that was always below him and to never feel anything good for myself. And in this situation knowing he is a narcissist has taken a lot of my wounding away from our very difficult relationship and I have come to terms with how our relationship is. The world upside down when you dont know yet that your family is a bunch of monsters trying to kill you since childhood who would.. even consider that as an option? Understand you have to do things on your own. Oberman, K., & Ramachandan, V. (2007, June 1). Ever since we got together he has been judgmental, critical, controlling and insistent on being right about everything. Dont expect them in your relationship with the person with narcissism. I do think his obsession with his daughter will go down somewhat once she leaves as the incessant talking about her although still a lot, was not as bad when she wasnt living with him. My reaction scared me and I finally left him for my own sanity. I can not lie or hide my thoughts, opinions or feelings what you see is what you get. It may be that people with Aspergers are as varied in their characters as other folk, some of whom are incredibly cruel to animals and some of whom love then to bits. Because my daughter is a slow reader and finds it hard to take in all the information at once, I have been reading these books to her one chapter at a time in the evening. Thankyou Robin, Im Pleased it was helpful. Ive heard this called conversational narcissism. I have experienced one of the rages and they are pretty Soul shaking events. If I give him space he finds the words. To Maureen, no chance this allows comments these days or that you can check this but in case it works and anyone reads Thanks for listening. having few friends at school. 9. An emotionally neglectful childhood, involving parents who did not empathize, may result in narcissistic traits in adulthood. The limit is other people's recognition. Heres the kicker though: I think I might be somewhere on the autism spectrum AND a narcissist. He keeps demanding support, care, listening, which is reasonable, but I get very little. He has hated every place we have rented, and spent most of his time we have lived in places demanding we move out and me dealing with every issue hes had, which is basically about noise. Some very dangerously incorrect information about autistic people here, probably better for you to leave it to actually autistic people. Instead of him understanding our limited funds, the needs he has, and the terrible ripoff the rental market is here, he just keeps insisting its all my fault and my bad choices. After working with both populations, it is fair to say that people on the Spectrum are vulnerable to NPDs and it is best to educate society on the behaviours of those with NPDs. Can I please get a clarification here? Narcissism, according to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, includes somethough not necessarily allof the following features:. Research I have found has moved me forward in my understanding. For Your Own Good, and Thou Shalt Not Be Aware, by Alice Miller He meets ALL the criteria. I am VERY easy to wind up, tease and upset which absolutely delights the more sadistic narc. They are capable of approaching you. After a month or so of this I asked my son and some male friends about the remarks and they said what he was saying was disrespectful to me and I should stop seeing him. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/04/050411204511.htm. I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. verging on psychopath too, since he sat on me when I was pregnant and cut my wedding ring off with wire clippers once. All my life i had to discover the answers all by myself. This appears as a very one sided relationship. I try my best with them but my psy is a narc the type of my father (he physician boss in healthcare) and my therapists most are narcs too the weak ones like my mother. please allow this thought (it is a fact to the normal smart person but it could get you censored online to mention it) What I have written may not solve what people are experiencing living with individuals with Aspergers or Autism, but it may go a long way to understanding how they think and why some do the things they do and in turn may help solve a few problems. Now i try to.. get some self-esteem since no one would ever tell me anything good about myself i had to find it on my own. Ugh. Narcissists tend to feel that others' achievements are solely due to luck and conceive of themselves as the sole victims of circumstance. Psychopaths, autism, empathy, and mirror neurons. This is because they are two separate conditions with separate causes. The only other thing in science is something more of the soul more than psychiatry which I feel someone should point out, as with the so called DSM is absolutely NOT science so it is at best irrelevant to mention this offensive publication. A relationship counsellor would be a good start if you find he is willing to do this. Research and study personality conditions and learn to have, Goulston, M. (2011, November 17). . Theres likely been more erronously diagnoses in history. My sister phones me from time to time, but she doesnt want to hear any more about my abuse. if I may add it to this reply. I was never expecting her to call bank and release the other 5k in 15 minutes??? Asperger's and Narcissism are two totally separate and unrelated, spectrums. I am also a survivor of pretty horrendous child sexual and physical abuse, starting in my first year of life and going on till puberty (age about 12 or 13) when the perpetrator lost interest in me and turned his attention elsewhere. She knew how to push my buttons, and even as an adult would purposely try to hurt me. Lol how can society be prosper and happy when it is lead by monsters that work on self-destruction? Even 100 years ago, it would be very rude to ignore a letter. 7. did the husband have head injuries in the past? So i try to open my own eyes, sustain the face in the mirror which i do pretty well these days hehe :) . Yet, Asperger's and personality pathologies have little in common. Im NOT an expert in anything but I do feel a strong sense of destiny and have no idea how to tap into it or where it needs to lead. Thank you so much for your comments on this website! If you are in a relationship with a person on the autism spectrum, it is helpful to know how to take care of yourself. I was an extremely broken person by the end of our marriage and spent many years working on myself as I have always been determined to want the best out of life. University of California, San Diego. My brother and I just happened to be born to a mother who developed schizophrenia (if this was a true diagnosis back in the 1950s). And before that beeing erronously diagnosed having Schizophrenia simplex. Now Im not sure if I believe him. . There are so many toxic and dangerous beliefs out there as a result of neurotypical people writing about autism. There aint no taste in nothing and isolation and acting anti social isnt the answer either. He makes the bed every day and sweeps the floor, and asking more than that is too much. I have read a lot about autism and still have a lot to read to try to understand it. Break up and never look back. She has gained a great deal from some of the information and has been able to relate to information in these non fiction books. Not respecting boundaries. My main problem is that I still keep forgetting that I cannot treat him as a normal person, so I make problems for myself. I cant even be sure where im on the parts of the list but im truly egoistic. He compliments me on how I look etc, mostly physical things. I cannot tell if it was a good thing that my family aside from being all narc monsters, were also all very smart giving me the highest iq/capacities of the family which is mostly (aside from being sensitive) what drove my brothers and parents into a sickening jealousy.
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